Pt 40-D:
Esther LeBaron Spencer:
Ma, Pa, Me, and Pitfalls of Polygamy

Writers do not live one life, they live two.
There is the living and then there is the writing.

Anaïs Nin

Pardon me, but it perturbs me to this day that, underlying my parents’ polygamic, Fundamentalist lifestyle was their expectation that their kids do things they, themselves, were unable to do—as if their offspring were better; more spiritual than they.

At the same time, Ma and Pa drummed into us kids that THEY, our parents, were the “most perfect”—an oxymoron in itself:

“Perfect” is the highest degree one can reach—at least in the English language. There’s no such thing as “perfect, more perfect, and MOST perfect”….as far as I know; except in fundyism.

Another example of my begetter’s double-talk: They lived with Mormon Fundies and pushed polygamy to HIGH heaven; telling mainstream Mormons they/the LDS were going to hell for not living PM/Plural Marriage.

Nevertheless, my begetters never lived for more than six months this “law of celestial marriage/the Law of Abraham”—two euphemisms for polygyny.

Nonetheless, they made sure their kids became polygynist spouses—if only by brainwashing them from the get-go; i.e., controlling their life from the day they were born.

In other words, my “perfect” parents added more conundrums to their oxymoronic, Mormon-fundamentalist, double-standard lifestyle when they taught us they were better than everyone else; yet, their actions and words belied this.

So Adding to their daily peccadilloes, my parents didn’t practice what they preached—didn’t/couldn’t live their religion’s highest law, Plural Marriage.

It was “Do what I say; not what I do.”
Crazy-making, toxic-teaching? And how! Nevertheless, due to my parents’ smoke and mirrors [1], I grew up believing they were perfect—better than everyone else; including me!

How could I not think my progenitors were perfect when Mother regularly told us Father was the greatest man in the world; she the greatest woman—too perfect to have even common faults, feelings, and failings….such as temper tantrums, jealousy, and low self-esteem.

Furthermore, Mama consistently impressed upon us she was God’s favorite female. [2] Living in a fantasy world can be wonderful….as long as you never have to face reality.

It was motivational and confidence-building to grow up in a Fundy dreamworld that included believing my LeBaron-Spencer family was “THE BEST”! But what goes up must come down.

When I married and left home, my husband bigamist Bill Tucker and his first two wives Marilyn and Lolita didn’t believe my parents and family-of-origin were the least bit perfect; far less that my mom and dad were “THE BEST, bar NONE”!

So what had been UP took a tumble down. I hit the ground, looked up and found meself, along with me former family, at the bottom of me husband’s harem heap! From where I lay, I could see right up their asses!

But my former family and I could take a flying leap, as far as Bill and his other wives were concerned—or follow at the rear of THEIR “perfect” family and friends.

Life sure skins some knees. Mine are still trying to heal from the scars and scabs of it all—the big fall from “the top;” then having to heel at Bill and his other wives’ will, beck, and call.

It’s not easy being down under! It’s much more fun to be Number One! But living with honesty and integrity is the way to go—that and abiding by the Golden Rule: behaving the way we want others to behave.

Yet, it’s “Live and learn.” Life is a process, when all is said and done. And I, for one, am not done! My knees are always healing from some new lesson learned the hard way. But I can be grateful God/Good is merciful: Most of my lessons are learned the easy way. How about you?

1. Wikipedia: Smoke and mirrors is a classic technique in magical illusions that makes an entity appear to hover in empty space. It was documented as early as 1770 and …

1. NORTH AMERICAN: smoke and mirrors:
   the obscuring or embellishing of the truth of a situation with misleading or irrelevant information. “The budget process is an exercise in smoke and mirrors”
   
2. Narcissistic personality disorder – Wikipediahttps://en.wikipedia.org › wiki › Narcissistic_personality_disorder

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a long-term … The condition of NPD should be differentiated from mania and substance use … Treatments for narcissistic personality disorder have not been well studied. … usually do not consider themselves to have a mental health problem.

Narcissism

Thriving post narcissistic trauma

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  JULY 20, 2018 by NARCWISEMAGGIE

Invalidation and narcissism: Why they slowly erase you

8 minute read

Invalidation and narcissism go hand in hand. Ever get the feeling you’re invisible? Like you are entirely worthless and just don’t matter? If yes, you know all too well the obliteration that inevitably comes from narcissistic invalidation. It is the default modus operandi for pathological narcissists, underpinning all forms of abuse, whether physical, psychological, mental, or sexual. The effects are horrendously damaging and disempowering.

Invalidation is used to slowly erase you. After all, when you’ve been emptied of your identity, full compliance to the narcissist’s demands is almost guaranteed. There’s little left to fight with.

BUT…the very fact you are reading this now means you are not down and out. You are still fighting for you.

And in this battle to reclaim your life from narcissism, raising your awareness of when they are abusing you, sets in motion your release from the nightmare.

This article is the first instalment in a two-part series on invalidation and narcissism. In this piece we expose why they do it, and how to spot it in action.

(*NOTE: See above links for rest of essay, and more.)

Cont. Oct. 3, 2019, “Pt 40-E: Esther LeBaron Spencer: Ma, Pa, Me, and Pitfalls of Polygamy”

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~Stephany Spencer-LeBaron