Pt 41-A:
Esther LeBaron Spencer and
“More on” LeBaron Madness

My mother Esther LeBaron-McDonald Spencer

“What lies behind us
and what lies before us
are tiny matters compared to
what lies within us.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

In “Parts 39–40-B:
Esther LeBaron Spencer;
Ma, Pa, Me, and Pitfalls of Polygamy,”
 I discussed issues of perfectionism in my grandparents Maud and Dayer LeBaron’s family.

But of issue, too, is they also felt a need to be Number One“— MOST perfect, the very best; the most beloved of God.

Mother didn’t understand she did not have to be perfect nor number one to be loved, accepted, and respected; simply needed to accept and portray herself as she was. Her lack of understanding lead to lack of integrity becoming the best policy; i.e., pathological lying. [2]

When in states of mania [4], Ma especially believed her own stories—stories that included being above all others: the best; number one; the most perfect woman in the world; and God’s favorite female.

Many true-believing followers in the LeBaron cult fell for Ma’s tales; thus, nudging her on in her storytelling; her entertaining of admirers. They didn’t realize her amygdala [3] was working overtime.

Sadly, Mama generally lived in a dream world. Her delusional thinking possibly worsened as she aged.

Whatever the case, she was all too often a con who fell for her own cons the end justifying the means, if nothing else.

Perhaps it beat being a despised Mexico-LeBaron. But lack of integrity and honesty is one reason the Mexico-LeBaron family was dispised by some and ostracized by most (during the years they lived in the Mexico-Mormon colonies)—not to mention they often didn’t fit in.

Being a “mundane commoner” was an anathema in Ma’s language. The last thing she wanted was to fit in and be average.

I learned from her to do my best, also, to NOT be a commoner; not fit in; not go with the flow; and NEVER be average—if I could help it. Making waves was better; i.e., I did it the creative way, the Mexico-LeBaron way!

Now I’m trying to undo my obstinant upbringing. I’ve found being average isn’t such a bad thing. It’s easier to be average. When all’s said and done, I postulate God loves average people: He-She sure makes a lot of them!

Nonetheless, my childhood legacy included my ma Esther believing she was Royalty and set above all others. Other than a few personality disorders like this, she seemed quite normal.

But Ma thrived on the attention and respect she got in the cult for being “the sister of the one mighty and strong Joel LeBaron;” so much so, in fact, that she presented herself as: “The one mighty and strongess; the only begotten daughter—second only to Christ, God’s only begotten son.”

Go figure! I already have. The numbers don’t add up—’cause bipolar disese was added in.


[1] NOTE:
I’m talking about the years I knew Mother. People can change. I had no contact with her the last years of her life, before she became riddled with dementia; then died at ninety-two.
So I’ll cut her some slack: Mother had people who loved her, looked up to her till the end; and still have fond memories of her.

*Thank you for visiting my web log/blog.
Till next time, be of good cheer;
better days are almost here!
~ Stephany Spencer-LeBaron

[2]
https://www.thoughtco.com › … › Social Sciences › Psychology
Nov 26, 2018
 A pathological liar is an individual who chronically tells grandiose lies that may stretch or exceed the limits of believability.

[3].
https://brainmadesimple.com › amygdala


When you think of the amygdala, you should think of one word. Fear. The amygdala is the reason we are afraid of things outside our control. It also controls the ..

[4]

(Continued October 24, 2019 in “Pt 41-B: Esther LeBaron Spencer and “More on” LeBaron Madness”)



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