My Memoir, Part 19-A:
Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer: 
Ma, Pa, Me and Perils of Polygamy

ma and grma, 2
                                           Mama and Grandmama

“No influence is so powerful
as the that of the mother.”

Sarah Josepha Hale


Picking up from “My Memoir Backstory:
Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer —
Ma ‘n’ Pa — Part 18:”

As I’ve bemoaned before, Mummsy couldn’t live polygamy herself — at least not during her twenty-two years of marriage to my father. So I really resent she maneuvered and manipulated me into a harem — a life she couldn’t stomach herself. But what’s new!

She and Pa raised me to believe I would go to hell if I didn’t live polygamy … because Joseph Smith said so. But they expected me and the rest of their kids to do things they, themselves, were never able to do. Were they trying to save me from going to hell though they couldn’t save themselves? Or just being tyrants?

Though I was barely sixteen, still tied to Mum’s apron strings, and too young to know better, she, along with Pappy’s priestcraft and support, worked her witchcraft that dumped me into William Preston Tucker’s family/harem – an arranged polygamic marriage; one that would bring glory to her’s and Pappy’s name, for Bill Tucker was the biggest catch in town.

To manipulate me, Mummsy told me: “I had a revelation last night that showed me plain as day that you are supposed to marry William Preston Tucker.”

Many years later, I discovered her so-called “revelation” was that she (and Dad) had simply secretly read my private diary wherein I had stated that Bill was the man I was in love with!

After I was married to Bill/ William Preston Tucker, I discovered half the town was in love with this alpha male — Men and women! To be sure, Mormon polygamy allows for mayhem!

My parents had convinced me they were perfect … and saints. So it never entered my innocent mind that while I was away dutifully doing my teaching job for the LeBaron colony—an unpaid job they dumped me into starting at age fourteen—they were secretly reading my journal I “spilled my guts in” daily; then always took such great pains to “hide well.”

And they were discussing together my most private and secret entries and thoughts—things I believed only I knew; personal things only I was supposed to know!

I poured my heart and soul out in that diary. You could say I had “diarrhea/dia-ry’-a” of the mouth. This writing kept me alive and sane while in the sect. I never dreamed it also kept/ enabled my parents and (later on) other manipulators and enemies able to “read my mind” so as to have power over me and my life.

Since I recorded all my private thoughts and feelings, intruders into my personal journal (such as my husband and his other wives, later on down the line) had perfect access to my mental processes—all my problems, griefs, secret feelings about them and others, etc.!

Golly Gee! It was like having my mind, unbeknownst to me, opened up for Cons and rivals to covertly listen in on my private and personal plans and thoughts so they could take my power.

Being a born writer, I used my journals to do stream of consciousness writing/ cathart and thought fart, and otherwise wend my way through the LeBaron Mormon mess I, an adolescent, had to deal with on a daily basis while going through the perils of coming of age in a foreign land and fanatic fundamentalist mind-boggling belief system.

And, wouldn’t you know, my Uncle Ervil LeBaron also played his part in manipulating my life and turning it upside down. I’ll take up with that in next week’s Blog.

(Continued in “My Memoir:
Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer — 
And More Perils of Polygamy — Part 19-B”)

 

 

 

 

 

 

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