Part 19-Y: Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer —
and Polygamy On The Down-Low

Me, Bill and baby, 2
My Husb. William Preston Tucker, age 28, our six-month-old Asenath Marie, and age-18 me, Beulah Stephany Spencer-LeBaron de Tucker

A Reflection:  

Is God then so ignorant of things,
so unacquainted with the human heart
that He has to find out about a man by testing him?
Of course not. It is in order that a person
may find out about himself.

There are things in a person which are
hidden from the person in whom they are.
And they won’t come out, or be opened up, or discovered,
except through tests and trials and temptations.

If God stops testing,
it means the Master is stopping teaching …
you do not know yourself unless you learn yourself
through trial, temptation, and testing.  

St. Augustine of Hippo (430 A.D.)

I left off in “My Memoir: Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer — And Polygamy On The Down-Low, Part 19-X” relating:

When my husband Bill came home around 3 AM, and then to our bed, our first night in Guadalajara, Mexico, I approached him to make love, having no idea gay Billy and his beaus had barely finished a sexual rendezvous–NO idea such things existed. He liked to keep it that way.

 I only knew I was crushed by his quick finish and even quicker falling asleep on top of me. And crushed by the dead weight of his limp body I held in my arms as I struggled to breathe, in between sobs and supporting his heavy muscular frame — about the only warmth I had felt from him the whole time there — or since I don’t know where.

This experience was extra disappointing and devastating because I had been expecting to finally have some time alone with my husband; since his other two wives were not there, for a change.

Instead, and with no explanation, Bill left me alone at Steve’s house with Steve’s two wives, my sister Doris and first wife, Beverly. Then, after spending the evening out on the town with Steve, he topped my pain, neglect, and disappointment off by returnning home and to bed unusually late.

After this and all my other suffering and sorrows with Bill, and knowing what I know now about him and how he constantly deceived and mistreated me, if I weren’t so civilized (though I could never do it) I would like to kill him. Then I remember he’s already dead.

On my second day in Guadalajara with Bill, after touring some of its beautiful landmarks, with Steve as our guide, Bill took me with them to eat at a swazzi French restaurant where one of their handsome Mexican “contacts” worked as a Waiter.

When this Waiter came to take our orders, Billy and Stephen spoke with him in French — using an odd, pug-nosed, nasal accent I had never before heard Bill or Steve use. (They had learned French in school; and while on their Mormon French mission in the late 1950s.)

Then, the pug-nosed nasality amongst the three carried right on as they switched to speaking in Spanish! (And, no: We’re NOT talking about the Castilian accent. I’m fluent in Spanish, spent five weeks in Spain; and I can speak with a Castilian accent–for those of you who want to think Bill and Steve were using the “High class” Castilian accent.)

I only knew a few words in Spanish, back then. No French. But, as with other weird things I’d witnessed on this trip with these two men, I never quit wondering why they used that odd nasality. I never heard Bill nor Stephen speak again in that pug-nosed nasal tone; but I was never around them much, either, when they were together with other men.

Eventually, my wondering about the strange things witnessed on this trip bore fruit. After I escaped the cult, became educated and experienced, listened, watched, and read for answers–It helped that I had been around the block a few times, too–I learned, among other things, pug-nosed nasal speech was a secret code homosexuals used, at least back then, to connect.

The “connection” with the Waiter worked: That night, while climbing the loft to our bunk, Bill raised his voluminous voice and bellowed–so I would believe I was the guilty party–victimizing the victim:

“I”m not taking you anywhere else with me and Steve! I’m going to punish you for coming on this trip when I didn’t say you could! You just hopped a ride! So, for our next four nights here, you are to stay on your side of the bed. And DON’T touch me!”

Isn’t it odd: While hidden away in the big city where Billy was free to enjoy the homosexual spree, he didn’t want me … couldn’t use me, is more like it. But now I realize Billy’s punishing me was simply an excuse to save his sexual juices for gay rendezvous!

Because, on the trip to and from Guadalajara, when there weren’t any gay guys but Steve to save his sex for, Bill had NO problem responding to my sexual advances — even though one of Stephen’s wives was also riding in the back of the truck with us; whichever one was not sitting up front with Steve while Bill relinquished his envied spot next to Steve to get some sleep so he could take the wheel next.

So, on our way back home to Colonia LeBaron, Bill’s punishment ended as quickly as it had begun! If I made the first move, this sex addict was back to responding then falling asleep on me immediately after his three-minute screw, wherein he took advantage of my nubile body and how well he fit — when we thought the other person in the back of the truck was asleep.

I was so in love with Bill, and so bluffed by him and my Mormon fundamentalist indoctrination, I took whatever I could get, whenever I could get it — which was never nearly enough … nor ever often enough.

Continued in “My Memoir: Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer — And Polygamy On The Down-Low, Part 19-Z”

2 thoughts on “Pt 19-Y: Esther LeBaron Spencer, Me, and Polygamy On-The-Down-Low

  1. I can’t find this blog entry…
    Continued May 14, 2018, in “My Memoir: Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer — And Polygamy On The Down-Low, Part 19-Z


    1. Thank you for this alert. It is on my website. I Will copy and paste it here although it will come out pretty crude and crummy. Unsure why you couldn’t find it in my posts. I’ll go check for it now. If it’s not in my Posts, I’ll put it there somehow!

      My Memoir: Part 19-Z, Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer — And Polygamy On The Down-Low

      18-year-old Beulah Stephany Spencer-LeBaron de Tucker with 28-year-old husband William Preston Tucker and our six-month-old Asenath Marie Tucker,

      Women Beware:
      Philanderers are Opportunists … Big Pretenders.
      They will tell anybody anything they want to hear.
      How can you tell if they’re lying? Their lips are moving.

      If a person will break a marriage contract,
      he or she will break any contract.

      A conman gains a woman’s “con”fidence,
      then conjures up dishonest and illegal means to trick her:
      Womanizers are cons/sociopaths:
      Like convicts, they have no respect for The Rule of Law.

      And every lady’s man I have ever known
      has turned out to be a con
      and bisexual on the down-low.
      But it takes two to tango.
      Men can’t do it without a predatorial
      or wanton woman’s help.
      Stephany Spencer

      I left off in the last blog “My Memoir: Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer– And Polygamy On The Down-Low, Part 19-Y” stating:

      On our way back home to Colonia LeBaron, bisexual Bill’s punishment ended! He returned to taking advantage of how well he fit if I made the first move… and the other person in the back of the truck wouldn’t know.

      But how is it I ended up on this trip Bill hadn’t “specifically” said I could go on? Well, I complained to my older sister, Stephen’s plural wife, saying: “Bill still has not given me a definite answer as to whether or not I can go on the trip with him. Each time I ask him, he simply responds, ‘You can probably go. I’ll see.’ And we’re supposed to leave tomorrow!”

      She quipped, “Well, the way to handle that is to have your suitcase packed so you can grab it and hop in the back of the truck just as the engine starts up and they’re about to pull out. I’ll be in the back of the truck to help you. Bill will be up in the cab with Stephen so you’ll be well on your way to Guadalajara and my house before Bill knows you’ve made up his mind for him!

      “I’ll let you know what time they plan to leave in the morning. We’ll sure teach Bill to give you a definite answer in the future so you’ll know whether or not to get a babysitter and be packed and ready to go!” 

      As it turned out, I had my suitcase packed and was at the truck when Bill came to get in. Being concerned about how he looked to others and unable to handle controversy well, Bill put out his hand and graciously helped me get on the truck along with my luggage. So he inadvertently gave me permission to go. His saying he didn’t simply showed lack of integrity and him blaming me, once more, for his own doing’s.

      Day after day, as the time for Bill’s trip to Guadalajara had approached, he had left me up in the air … dangling. Didn’t bother to let me off the hook. Kept pretending he was going to take me with him when he really had no intentions (I now realize) of being with anyone but Stephen and the gay sex life in Guadalajara.

      Stephen, who had been living and working there for a while, had so raved about life in that city. But he had me believing he was raving about Guadalajara. Apparently, he never let on to anyone but Bill it was the gay life there he was raving about!

      Oddly enough, Bill was not taking either of his other two wives on this five-day trip. And it was definitely my turn, long since, to go on a trip with him! But as usual, once on the trip, Bill made sure I wouldn’t much enjoy it and wouldn’t be able to develop any intimacy with him.

      Now I realize whenever he did not take one of his wives on a trip he was going on, it was because he wanted to be with a boyfriend — or alone in the dark fucking “bushes” in the park.

      He didn’t want to be with me, as young, beautiful, and sexy as others said I was — “A ten on the ‘Richter’ scale,” according to my brother-in-law Sigfried Widmar. “Any man would be proud to walk with you on his arm,” he added. And almost every Plyg in town wanted to.

      But Bill did not need nor love me. Unless he could use women to his advantage, they were not his preference, I realize now. He was a Big Pretender–a charmer, a womanizer who said one thing, did another — An Opportunist who would tell a person anything they wanted to hear — such as “I love you.” How could you tell if he was lying? His lips were moving.

      But Bill was further put off by me because I didn’t “bite”–  didn’t respond when his lesbian wives tried to bring me into “the family,” at Bill’s behest. I was totally naïve and unaware of what the advances of his wives meant. Didn’t know lesbianism existed. And even if I had known, I would have believed it was a terrible sin. So it was nothing I would ever want to be involved in– if ONLY because I was not sexually attracted to women.

      The whole five years I was with Bill, I didn’t know such things as menages a trois existed — far less that some families in Mormon Fundamentalism participated in threesomes and group sex behind closed doors. I mean very closed. Because it was very against our religion!

      Continued May 21, 2018, in “My Memoir: Esther LeBaron McDonald de Spencer — And Polygamy On The Down-Low, Part 20-A


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.