NOTE:
The following is a Review of The Sound of Gravel,
a Memoir by my cousin Ruth Wariner.
(“Wariner” is Ruth’s mother’s maiden name.
My mother’s brother self-proclaimed Prophet
Joel LeBaron was Ruth’s father.)

By Stephany Spencer-LeBaron:
I’ve read once, listened thrice to Ruth Wariner’s book, The Sound of Gravel, giving it higher ratings with each read. So it paid to peruse her Memoir more than once

In my first read, the book wasn’t what I expected. I grew up much the same way she had. So I had preconceived notions of what it would be about, Ruth being my first cousin, one of my mother’s brother Joel’s daughters. It took going through her Memoir a second time, as an audiobook, to be able to say:

You go, cousin Ruth! It’s a well-written memoir for especially everyone who thinks Mormon cults are “Just people exercising their freedom of religion.“

This interestingly-penned book gives one a glimpse into what “people just exercising their freedom of religion” DO to kids born within Mormon fundamentalist cults. I grew up in, then escaped the same cult Ruth was raised in.

People brought up in abusive, traumatizing childhoods split; i.e., revert into themselves when things go wrong in their life. I learned from the late Psychiatrist Dr. David Viscott that feeling sorry for one’s self is a form of splitting.

Children and adults from abusive backgrounds do the pity-potty-party thing in an effort to protect themselves. And to better handle a bad situation. But it only leads to despondency and depression.

Ruth’s Memoir taught me to replace despondent thoughts with the song mantra: “Count Your Many Blessings.” I grew up singing this song. But didn’t realize, till I read and listened to Ruth’s book for the third time, this is what I needed to do to keep a good spirit with me.

Singing “Count Your Blessings” reminds me to start adding up all my blessings, instead of my cursings. I’ve found it’s the best way, the proactive way to avoid depression, negativity, and feeling sorry for myself in the face of traumatic situations … aging for example.

Now, whenever dark clouds threaten to rain on my mood, I remember to say or sing: “Count your blessings; name them one by one.” There’s no end to the blessings that have been bestowed upon me, despite all the bad things I’ve had “bestowed” upon me also.

Though I grew up singing the song, “Count Your Many Blessings,” I hadn’t gotten the lesson Ruth’s mother Kathy taught when she constantly admonished her daughter Ruth to Count her blessings … no matter HOW bad things got!

It seemed a silly thing for Ruth’s mom to incessantly say, given the insidious mire and adversity her family constantly suffered. But now I realize Ruth’s mother had learned from her upbringing a good lesson she wisely passed down to her children.

Counting one’s blessings chases out helplessness, hopelessness, blame, negativity, depression, and feeling sorry for oneself. It turns one’s frown upside down into a smile. And supplants downsides with an upside attitude and action, the best prescription for surviving a bad situation.

Ruth passed this lesson on to me, along with other lessons taught through “the blessing” of her memoir — her gift to the world. I’m looking forward to her next book. So write on, Ruth!

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*Count Your Many Blessings

1-  When upon life’s billows you are tempest-tossed,
When you are discouraged, thinking all is lost,
Count your many blessings, name them one by one,
And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.