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Hi! I am Stephany Spencer, poet, lyricist, memoirist — a professional Jackalyn-of-many-trades. Welcome to my own little corner of the world-wide web! 

As we speak, my Website begun June 27, 2016, continues to grow right along with my continuing to develop the skills of being a Webmaster and first-time blogger/Photoblogger.

It’s work so fun, I doubt I’ll ever be done! I do love the creative process — the “one-on-one.” And am thrilled to share it with you on my little part of the globe — My little piece of the planet’s valuable virtual Internet real estate! 

 My goal is to blog on enlightening and entertaining “shoot-from-the-hip” insights, essays, personal stories, and creative works — especially my poetry and memoirs. If I may serve my visitors, otherwise, please advise!

Should you be a Creative and curious person, then this blog is for you. I have been blogging weekly for the past fourteen months, posting my poetry and prose. But beginning this month, August 2017, I will be posting blogs irregularly so as to concentrate intensely on finishing my Memoir and publishing it.

I don’t intend for this to be a monolog but a dialog. I want you to give me your feedback in the “Comments” section. I will read every comment and respond as time allows. If you have a topic you want me to address, please leave a comment below.

I’m looking forward to connecting with you. Till then, feel free to click around, scroll down on my Homepage and Menu Bar, and become acquainted with my Website.

It was lovely chatting with you. If you are a follower of my blogs, that’s even lovelier!

Now, till next time, ciao, cheers, and a happy life to you.

Your host,
Stephany Spencer

Think in terms of possibilities.
(Emily Dickinson)


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Hello: Welcome to my little corner of the World Wide Web … Presently still in metamorphosis!

I am Stephany Spencer/AKA Beulah Spencer Tucker de LeBaron. I am also, among other things, a Creative: an Author, Poet, Performer, Musician, Singer-Songwriter, Artist, Speaker — Just a Jackalyn-of-many-trades! And a Retired Teacher on her endless summer.

I’m enjoying my Photoblog site as I continue to improve this, my first Website! Welcome aboard!!  Thanks for joining me on my creative adventure “On board” — my laptop screen serving as the “Board” I write/ ride on. It’s, thus, bound to guarantee you will never be “bored,” as we sail and bound along on the bouncy sea of blogging and creativity, bound for places unknown presently. 

My URL is https://StephanySpencer.com. It doubles as Scrapbook and Blog Site, wherein I’m posting the rudiments of my colorful life’s story.

I hope to post ideas and information that will be of interest to you on your own journey through this world. And, hopefully here on my Website, we may meet up together, now and again, to share and be of mutual help to one another as we travel Life’s adventurous highway.

Meanwhile, over time, I’ll be sharing with you my-mostly-miserable memoirs (I love alliteration!) — as well as happy and redemptive memories. I will also publish on my Website a bit of my creative work — poetry, prose, artwork, songs I’ve written, videos of my performances, and other such.

For the past fourteen months, I’ve been posting my memoir blog every Friday — But as of August 2017, I will post irregularly in order to concentrate on finishing then publishing my Memoir as a book.

I’m looking forward to your input, honesty, and ideas, once you have read my blogs. I promise I’ll read all your comments,  responding as time allows.

Your comments let me know you have indeed read my material. Feedback is very important to bloggers. So THANK YOU in advance for your comments, “Liking” what I’ve  posted, and signing up on my email list to receive my blogs when they’re posted.

Through my Website, I test the waters and heed your input. It continues to be of import as I finish writing my shoot-from-the-hip Memoir, a surreal saga of how I survived stunting child abuse as a White slave while growing up poor and deprived in secluded, extremist, and dangerous, Mormon Fundamentalist cults: The FLDS cult in Short Creek. And later (between the years of 1960 and a 1967) Joel and Ervil LeBaron’s now fairly extinct cult headquartered in Colonia LeBaron, Chihuahua, Mexico.

I escaped the latter backward, partly criminal, fanatic rebel LeBaron cult in 1967, at the age of twenty-one — with only my three-year-old daughter, a packed suitcase, and $5.00 to my name — plus an 8th Grade diploma received in 1960, after about six years of  mostly country-school public education — largely from Utah’s small-town schools.

Part of this small-town education took place in infamous Short Creek/ AKA, Colorado City, Utah’s one-room schoolhouse that hosted grades one through five under the tutelage of brave Mrs.Verda Lartzen. 

The rest is “my-story-her-story-history.” But with much credit going to the good ole USA and God.

Five months after escaping the LeBaron cult, miraculously, I started college in Los Angeles, California, earned an Associate of Arts degree in Music, graduated from UCLA in 1973 with a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology, and attained a Teacher’s Credential and Post-graduate work from California State University, Northridge, in 1976, specializing in Liberal Arts and Bilingual Ed.

Presently I am a member of the California Writers Club (https://cwc-sfv.org) where I officiated as Program Chair and helped with Hospitality. I was also a member of Champagne Toastmasters (https://ChampagneToastmasters). And have been a longtime participant in Songmakers (https://Songmakers.org).

Ever a Creative, the world is my oyster and I a pearl forming within her … heading for the “pearly” gates (LOL!). Life is my canvas on which I purposely paint with gusto all the while it takes me along to new dimensions!

I have learned you either live or die. Bob Dylan so aptly reminds us of this in the line he borrowed from the late, great singer-songwriter, Woodie Guthrie: “If you aren’t busy livin’, you’re busy dyin’.”

And So here’s to life!
I’m tryin’,  yes, I am; 
And though I ain’t thru cryin’,
L’ Chaim!”And cheers!
Stephany Spencer

“““““““““““`

Think in terms of possibilities.”
Emily Dickinson



 

AN APOPLGY AND DISCLAIMER:

 

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Beulah Stephany Spencer de LeBaron

Dear readers, please note: I have changed names in my Memoirs, in various cases, to protect the innocent — mainly myself!

I also acknowledge that in writing my Memoir blogs, I know I can’t avoid hurting my family, relatives and past friends I grew up with. Anything I say at all against their church, or their religion, for example, hurts them.

In fact, just my leaving their religion I grew up in hurt them, as did other choices I needed to make for myself — such as dropping all contact with my family for many years during “Tthe Ervil scare.” I decided back then that if my choices had to do with the safety and well-being of myself and daughter, I had to do what I had to do, even if it hurt them.

But when it comes to things I do that violate their rights or ability to consent, that’s where I try (and sometimes fail) to draw the line. If I need to say something bad about my family because it’s also part of my experience, I’ll try to be vague, keep their names out of it, and not demonize them. I’ll try to keep them humanized.

I was fortunate to have a fairly good family who simply made mistakes. I see any mistakes they made as coming from ignorance and misinformation. We all make mistakes. We wouldn’t be in this world if we were perfect.

None the less, I like what Anne Lamott said, You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”  

I am hoping that by “telling my stories,” I will be helping to make a better world through further enlightening and thus alleviating some of the world’s ignorance and misinformation. In so doing, I can’t help but enlighten myself in the process too — And isn’t that why we’re here: Enlightenment?


MY WEBSITE IN METAMORPHOSIS


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  Hi, Everybody! It’s now August 7, 2017. My Website continues its fledgling Webmaster and Photoblogging metamorphosis I initiated June 27, 2016.

I still have a few hundred poems yet to edit and post on my Website. Many of my best poems and other compositions I’ve written over the years — in fact, since I was eight years old — still lie waiting to be edited and posted — or saved for submission to publishers for gain or such. Now all that is lacking is time to edit and record these many words herein or elsewhere. Hopefully, that will be soon.

However, I now realize I need to concentrate on writing my Memoir — quit spending time editing and typing my loads of handwritten poetry, prose, quotes, and anecdotes. That project must be put off again. I’ve too many irons on the fire; too little time for a “Jackalynn-of-many-trades” like myself.

Therefore, I am going to curb what I publish on my Website right now. That includes not putting much of my memoir material on my site.

I would love to be able to do everything all at once; ie, type up all my poems at the same time I’m writing a book and keeping up my new Website, home, and all else. 

But creating a Website and Photoblog site is something one builds upon gradually. The same goes for getting my poems and my books out there. Though Rome wasn’t built in a day, a part of me now wants to build my Website, and blog site that way — or at least by the end of this month! 

 Websites can be a static thing — Set them up and leave them be, depending on what you use your Website for. But blog sites are a different species, an ongoing process. And the whole experience entails a huge learning curve.

So bear with me as I curve around that bend. And as I curb the time spent writing blogs and publishing poetry and concentrate on getting my Memoir written and published as a book. Hope to see you at the end of the “curve” — or bend!

                          @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

 

MY MEMOIR INTRODUCTION: I WAS BORN A SAINT


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I was born some time ago,
Way out in the sticks,
In a valley of old Mexico,
In 1946.
(So begins my saga.)

*A note to my readers: Today I have decided to officially begin blogging about my Memoirs in earnest — blogs to be later turned into a book. I’ll continue to post poems and other such now and then. But as for now, I am putting my story, my Memoirs, first and foremost. 



     

I am conscious that my narrative
savers of incredibility:

The fault is in the subject,
not in the narrator.”
~The City of the Saints,
By Richard F. Burton,
1861
*(quote borrowed from Irving Wallace’s
outstanding biography,

The Twenty-Seventh Wife”)
1961

************



  The Cards of Life

Life dealt me cards — I played my hand
With confidence — I had it planned …
When, later, life revealed the score
It shook me to my very core!
I wondered then — still wonder now:
Could I have changed my life somehow?
And — if life dealt this hand again —
Would I repeat my life of pain?
Or would my hand, ignoring me,
Repeat this life and destiny?
Hiding in a Cave of Trunks”
By Ester Benjamin Shifren
2012

@@@@@@




I learned that even when life deals you a bad hand,
you can still have a happy life if you are willing
to take a chance and put the past behind you.”
~Illegitimate
Brian Mackert
2008




Dedication:

My Blog-Book is dedicated to the escapees and would-be escapees of Mormon orthodoxy, as well as to all those with inquiring minds who wish to know what it’s like to be raised in a Mormon Fundamentalist cult, be married off as a child bride, and to then eventually escape this barbaric lifestyle, and live to write about it.               



*An apology, and a protection for the innocent — mainly myself: I have changed the names in various cases, or haven’t used a name at all. (I’m more interested in telling what was done; not who did it.) Also, bear in mind the dialogue employed is paraphrased to the best of my ability and memory.


          PREFACE:                          December 10, 2016

In four months I will turn 71, and it will be the 50th anniversary of my 1967 escape from living “The Principle” in the now largely extinct bizarre, backward, dangerous Mormon fundamentalist LeBaron cult that was headquartered in Colonia LeBaron, Galeana, Chihuahua, Mexico.

I was born and raised a fourth-generation Mormon polygamist. My great-great grandfather, Benjamin F. Johnson, a bright and gifted writer, was one of the self-proclaimed Prophet Joseph Smith’s personal Scribes, starting at the tender age of eighteen. (Joseph Smith also sealed him to himself as a son! So in a roundabout way, that makes Joseph Smith my Great-grandfather, three places removed! Hmmmm!)

That’s the most prestigious bloodline one can come by … if one is Mormon. And I used to be. As I grew up, Mother didn’t mince beans about letting me and my thirteen siblings know we were “part of the royal blood” — and she held her head high as she proclaimed we were of this enviable hierarchy.

Actually, we came by way of “Royal Bloodlines” in more ways than one: We Spencers are also related, through my father, to Princess Diana Spencer, Winston Spencer Churchhill, the two Pres. Bush families — and other such.

We could even have been children of the self-proclaimed prophet, the late Rulon Jeff’s: While Mother was single, in the early 1940s, and living in Utah, she dated polygamist Rulon Jeffs, father of the now incarcerated, infamous FLDS leader, Warren Jeffs!! Yuck!

As my youngest sister Lenora (born on my wedding day!) likes to facetiously say,”Warren Jeffs could’ve been another brother by another mother!” And I like to retort, “We also could’ve been his sister by a different Mister!” (Heaven forbid!)

Even more ironic than ever, when you consider how “royal” our blood is, is that Mother’s brother and my once beloved Uncle Ervil is the now-deceased infamous criminal known to the world as the “Mormon Manson,” or “Evil Ervil” LeBaron — or the past “Mormon Mafiosoand Malevolent Dictator of the now-extinct Lebaron Crime Family.

Uncle Ervil was, at one time, the all-powerful, priestcraft-working, cult-creating Uncle whom I had been taught, as a kid and member of the cult, stood as “The Second Grand Head” — next only to my Uncle Joel, the self-proclaimed prophet of “The Church of the First Born.”

I had known, loved, feared, revered, and respected Uncle Ervil — before his scandalous schizophrenic psychosis and sociopathic psychopathy worsened, leading him completely and hopelessly off the deep end.

Another unusual coincidence is that my Aunt Irene LeBaron Spencer, best-selling author of the Memoir, “Shattered Dreams,” used as her second book’s cover (“Cult Insanity“– A book about Uncle Ervil, et Al, and the LeBaron cults) a photograph I took of Uncle Ervil holding my daughter when she was eight years old — before I knew he was a paranoid schizophrenic and psychopath. (You can view this photograph that’s now on her book cover. See Aunt Irene’s book, “Cult Insanity,”  in my Menu under “Media on Some of My Extended Family.”)

Uncle Ervil’s then right-hand man, my brother-in-law Dan Jordan, is also in the picture. I took it of these guys in 1972 when I was still a student at UCLA. The two had come to my home “on a mission.” It was before I had any idea they were plotting the murder of people such as my  Uncle Joel LeBaron, Ervil’s own brother and self- proclaimed “Prophet” of their backward and isolated Colonia LeBaron, Chihuahuan-Desert cult I had escaped five years before.

I consider myself lucky these two sociopaths/ psychopaths (my brother-in-law Dan Jordan and Uncle Ervil LeBaron) didn’t kill me during that visit — I being a “daughter of perdition” for having abandoned their so-called church.

But Uncle Ervil held a fantasy that I was going to actually go to all the trouble to get my Bachelor’s Degree and Teaching Credential  (After having escaped the LeBaron cult three years earlier!) then return to their cult to teach “the Saints,” … for free. Well, thanks but no thanks!

Within six months after I’d escaped the LeBaron cult, I’d miraculously entered a Junior College in Los Angeles. I was twenty-one, at that time, penniless, and had only a country school’s 8th-grade education.

I’d started teaching in the LeBaron colony at age fourteen, shortly after my family repatriated to Mexico in 1960 to live in LeBaron. But that didn’t mean I was ever going to get stuck barefoot and pregnant doing that again — like I had before. But Uncle Ervil didn’t know what was going on in my mind. That may be why I lived to tell about it!

Going back to where I was before I digressed, the reason Uncle Ervil, bringing along with him his sidekick Dan Jordan, had come to LA was to testify before Officials at the US Immigration Office that I was indeed an American citizen — born in Mexico of American parents.

Uncle Ervil thus helped me get my Citizenship papers in order so I could obtain my Teaching Credential … so I would be able to teach in the US. It was a God-send he did this for me, given that I was considered in his eyes an “apostate.” Apostates were/are generally left to die by family, relatives, and the rest of the cult. For it is said they have left “the truth.”

Leaving “the truth” /i.e., being an apostate, was synonymous with turning my back on God and His all-important “Church,” to join hands with the devil’s work. Such people are/ were considered in their eyes to be “the biggest dangers to ‘the Lord’s work’ because they had once known the truth and turned their back on it.”

Now I know I have to take statements, such as that “glittering generality” above and re-word them. For example, they cloaked all their illegal activities under the guise of “We are doing the Lord’s work.

Another favorite “cloak” they used to cover their secret activities (especially from children or outsiders) was,” We’re doing missionary work,” or “We’re going on a mission,” or “We’re preaching the gospel to these people.”

For example, when I was a kid, my mother used those terms from time to time, as she locked us out of the house, or such, so she could do “missionary work” (in the missionary position?! LOL!) with some man she was attracted to — and vice versa.

It worked really well because we kids were so indoctrinated as to the perfection of our parents, and the importance of “spreading the gospel, being Saints, and doing what was right,” that it would never have entered our minds that they were doing what was wrong, rather than what was right; i.e., they were not actually preaching the gospel, etc., like they pretended to be doing.

It was years before I realised such statements as “Apostates are the biggest threat to the Lord’s work and the building up of the kingdom of God” were really but cover-ups, smokescreens, and understatement for their real fears; i.e., underhanded people and cults greatly fear people who leave their “Church” because they know too much. They know about at least some of the illegal activities done and justified in the name of “bleeding the beast,” for example.

Yes, people like me who leave such a cult “know too much.” And I definitely did “know too much,” though I didn’t realize it at the time. If I’m brave and want to take my life in my own hands, I may explain to you later what I mean by “knowing too much.” Meanwhile, you can read between the lines.

But going back to my family’s being related to the “royal bloodlines,” that Mother was so proud to be related to, to be sure, Uncle Ervil (along with his fourteen wives and sixty-something children) was also related to these “royal bloodlines” and very proud of it — as were all his wives, children, and posterity. Quite an irony, yes? You might say I’m getting it from both ends! But as one of Uncle Ervil’s children told me recently, “You can’t choose your Family, relatives, nor bloodline.”

Everybody I have told my story to over the past fifty years has said to me,”Your story would make a good movie. You must write a book! If you do, I will buy it. Let me know when it is published.”

But I have not written it, until now, because it was not safe for me to tell the truth I wished to write. Only if I could tell the whole truth, did I wish to write my story. It’s still not safe, and I still can’t tell the whole story without compromising my safety and lifestyle. But at long last, I have begun getting this book out that has been building and simmering on my back burners (within) since 1967 when I escaped the Mormon fundamentalist religion/cult I was raised in.

Another reason I have not written my book until now is that for the first fifty years after fleeing the extremist Mormon fundamentalist sect, and thus all my family, friends and foundation there, it was too painful to dwell for long on my past life in that “Church.” It depressed me so much that I couldn’t write a book on my past even if I had felt my present status and security wouldn’t be compromised by publishing my truth about that past.

I have journaled regularly, though, from age nine till the present day -– Did an awful lot of stream-of-consciousness writing. Therapists say that is what kept me from “going under” all these years.

But some may beg to differ. They will tell you that I am crazy/odd/unique/strange/ weird! To such comments, I say, “If only all my writing, reading self-help books, and talking to the occasional therapist could’ve saved me even more from the ravages of my despotic, cultic upbringing! And if only my life could’ve been normal!”

People have enough to deal with and overcome in life without all the deprivations, devastations, and privations that are added to it by being raised in a backward, isolated, cult background.

For starters, it’s very discouraging and humiliating to be seen by others as odd, weird, crazy, different, backward, naïve, gullible, unsophisticated, a country bumpkin, poorly educated, a Plyg — and so on and so forth.

One vain person even jeered as he told me, “You can take the girl out of the mountain, but you can’t take the mountain out of the girl.” All this and more I have had to endure over the years — Even people making fun of my Tex-mex drawl. But there is a bully born every moment. When I take a good look at the people grinding me under, I find their words tell more about them than about me — in every case. And this is so in life.

But as for writing my Memoirs, all I’m sure of is, given a choice of leisure-time activities, writing was and still is likely my first choice, despite how time-consuming and how much work it is. I enjoy writing. I like the creative aspect of it, especially.

Through writing, I find company when my isolation and loneliness is otherwise unbearable. And there I unwind from the anxiety, tiredness, and tensions of the day; gain insight, and find answers through the inspiration that comes from my “writing meditation” — my deep thinking.

There I cathart (“thot-fart”), find solace, am my own best friend and companion — my mind, my muse, and I … There I unravel the pains, plans, and mysteries of my past as well as my present journey towards self-actualization and individuation. There I grow and develop as I ponder each breakthrough — each step of my awakening into this “brave new world.”

While journaling, I also compare my new insights and experiences with the drama, trauma, and brainwashing of my past. And in my writing, I celebrate and come to better understand each epiphany and step I encounter in my exciting adventure as I look through my new window — my new “looking glass” on the world — and reflect on the past and present.

Actually, like Alice in Wonderland, when I was seventeen and still in the cult, I too, looked through a “looking glass — a mirror;” “i.e., a “different window.” That’s when I saw a new window on the world. And was almost as quickly catapulted through it and out of the tunnel vision; i.e., tunnel I had been raised in. Yes, I fell right through that new and open window into this new and present world I have been progressively making my way up through ever since.

In my first few years in this new world, I questioned whether I had done the right thing — whether I had indeed been turned over to “the buffetings of Satan” and his wicked world. But the longer I was away from the cult and the more I took a good view of what was happening there, the more I could rest assured I had made the right decision when in 1967 I fled “God’s only true church,” as the cult calls it.

Many of my past life’s experiences and the brainwashing of growing up in a cult had blocked my feelings and thoughts. Writing helped and is still helping me unblock these feelings and the mind control, thus allowing me to gradually move ahead in my life’s journey, free and unencumbered.

It is through my journaling — and now this blogging and book-writing too — that I assimilate all. Like taking notes in a college course, I compare each new idea, feeling, and insight with the dogma and experiences of my past -– the craziness of the cult I was finally able to escape –- escape from in person, at least.

But try as I may, I have not been able to thoroughly escape from its bind on my subconscious, my persona, and my life — Though to completely escape my cult-created backwardness, damage, wrong teachings, and other wrongs is one of my fervent goals.

At least It gives me something to live for when all else seems hapless, helpless, and hopeless. And old age threatens to devour me before I’ve even half-fulfilled my hopes, dreams, and goals.

As an aside, I understand the ACLU requests we don’t call the extremist sect I escaped from a “cult.” Also that we don’t say “I escaped,” and was “brainwashed,” for fear we may offend those who belong to what I managed to finally escape!

But my opinion is that such words as “cult” are the truth it takes to jolt -– to help awaken the mind-controlled, brainwashed, true-believing people continuing to be born into and bound by the grips of these Mormon-Fundamentalist doomsday cults. If we can’t use some social pressure, what hope have we to stop this vice vehemently invading our quite-unaware world?

The “political correctness” protectionism of being unable to call it a cult, etc., only helps to reinforce and propagate the captivity of the many born into bondage and White slavery in Mormon fundamentalist religious organizations — that, by the way, are growing by leaps and bounds as I speak, due to polygamy, child bride marriages, mind control measures, and not practicing birth control.

Of course, those embondaged by Mormon fundamentalism are the ones least likely to read what I write. Therefore, I mainly write for those who have managed to get out and are looking for backup material to further assure them they did the right thing by leaving.

And I write for people who want to learn and become more aware. But I especially write for escapees of Mormon fundamentalist groups who are looking for more understanding as to what happened to them in their cult, and why.

I write, as well, for all Mormon fundamentalist sects who are looking for more information on how they can better make it in this “foreign land:” The United States of America; i.e., the normal world they have found themselves in. I hope reading my story of success and redemption, upon having escaped radical Mormonism, will help Mormon fundamentalist cult escapees better make it in their own new existence.

It took me years of University courses, other reading, counseling with therapists, and simply living free from Mormon Fundamentalism before I could stand back and realize what I had grown up in was nothing but a cult. It helped me immensely to understand that! Because then I could better see that I had done the right thing, at age twenty-one, to get out while I could.

And it helped me to know that I had definitely made the right choice — despite being warned that I’d be damned and turned over to the “buffetings of Satan” if I even dared question the words of the prophet, let alone dared  leave “the truth/the church;” i.e., The Church of the First Born of the Fullness of Times, and Mormon Fundamentalism.

The Sociological definition of “cult” is: “A body of religious rites and practices associated with the worship or propitiation of a particular divinity or group of supernatural beings.”

Also: A religious group and way of life that secludes its members from the world so much so that they are unable to fit into normal society. 

The American Heritage Dictionary describes “Cult” as being a religion or religious sect generally considered to be extremist or false, with its followers often living communally under an authoritarian, charismatic leader.

That said, I believe that if it looks like, feels like, and rattles like a snake, it is a Diamond Back/ a “cult”! Who are we kidding?! Why call it by any other name? Besides, where is my right to freedom of speech?

And how do we warn or make aware those who could benefit from our observations and experience if we can only cover up for and placate the vice that the Mormon Fundamentalists have already been too adept at perpetrating? To pretend they are not a cult is doing just that: It’s helping to perpetuate the many evils of the Mormon fundamentalist sects.

For example, Mormon fundamentalist sects perpetrate and perpetuate: Lawlessness, being laws onto themselves, Pedophilia, Polygamy, White slavery, Welfare Fraud, Child Labor, Child Abuse, Child Trafficking, Racketeering — and much more, all in the guise of “An alternative lifestyle full of Saints just trying to live God’s laws under the freedom protections of the US government” –- a government they bleed daily, and regularly pray for the destruction of!

Also, note that at the same time the adults in these cults demand for themselves “freedom of religion;” i.e., protection from the US government, they, themselves, in the name of religion, take away all the rights and protection of the children born into their cult! Yes, they refuse to accept that “One person’s “Rights” ends where another person’s “Rights” begins!”

As my years in freedom roll on, since having fled the Mormon fundamentalist “underground” slave trade, barbarism, and bondage I was born and raised in, I continue to become more deprogrammed and surer of what a wayward, warping, diabolical Church/ cult/ monster I was born into and my life ruined by, in the name of religion.

The more I continue to think, question, read books, and listen to educational documentaries and interviews done by Rebecca Kimbel, Doris Hanson, Ed Kociela, Kristen Decker, and others on YouTube, C-SPAN II, and other such, the more aware I become that many of the main tenets I was taught (in the cult) to most revere and embrace were and are complete rubbish; i.e., the total opposite of what is good and righteous.

Therefore, in my Memoir/ blogs, I make it a point to unravel untruths and cover-ups, so as to show the world what I mean by “The total opposite of what is good and righteous.” This way I may better dispel what “the snake;” i.e., “the Diamondback” would have us see as “God’s Plan,” rather than the devil’s!

This is a Memoir as opposed to an Autobiography, because of the leeway given me thus. In other words, though I have, from age nine, kept journals –- They reach from the floor to the ceiling by now — I would never get this history written if I were to go back and uproot every piece of Info in my journals to make sure of the exact day, etc.

So where it is not necessary, I don’t worry about petty details. It’s the big picture that is important. This said, I’ll leave off here to continue my story in “My Memoirs Prologue: My House of Cards.” (*See my Menu on my homepage to locate this and other blogs.”)

PS: It has come to my attention that some people think they can only get to my Website through one of my social media sites such as Facebook. So let me give you my URL. That way you may access my Website directly: https://StephanySpencer.com — Stephany with a “y.”

If you click on my “Follow” button and leave me your e-mail address, each time a new blog is posted, you will get an e-mail alerting you. My cell phone number, in case you would like to call me, is 818-624-8522.

I would love feedback from my readers. Your comments, “Like’s,” etc., help guide and motivate what I, a writer, will write next. I would really appreciate it, also, if you would let me know, through comments or calls, if you find any spelling and grammatical errors — or ANY other errors in my writing. 

I have nobody editing or critiquing what I write before I post it. So your feedback is important. Thank you in advance for the time you take to let me know these vital things. Know you are much appreciated!

Now, till next time, thank you for visiting my Website — And for reading especially my blogs that tell you what my Memoir’s intentions are. And thank you for just being you.

Cheers,
Stephany Spencer/AKA: Beulah Spencer Tucker de LeBaron



MY MEMOIR
PROLOGUE: MY HOUSE OF CARDS 





newborn-baby-on-an-arm




The Cards of Life

Life dealt me cards — I played my hand
With confidence — I had it planned …
When, later, life revealed the score
It shook me to my very core!
I wondered then — still wonder now:
Could I have changed my life somehow?
And — if life dealt this hand again —
Would I repeat my life of pain?
Or would my hand, ignoring me,
Repeat this life and destiny?
Hiding in a Cave of Trunks
By Ester Benjamin Shifren
2012

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I learned that even when
life deals you a bad hand,
you can still have a happy life
if you are willing to take a chance
and put the past behind you.”
Illegitimate
Brian Mackert
2008

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                        Intro
I was born some time ago,
Away out in the sticks,
In a valley of old Mexico,
In nineteen forty-six.

By the time I was eleven,
We were a family of twelve;
For everything I ever got,
I had to dig and delve.
by Beulah Stephany Spencer
1959, age 13

(*See my other four or five Blogs/ poems on this topic — to see/ read the rest of this Memoir poem. These poems usually begin with “Bio in Verse,” or some such rapacious title. I wrote a number of renditions — take-offs from the above two stanzas.)



Chapter 1                         My House of Cards                                 12/6/2016

My troubles all started when I was born … Actually, while I was being born. It seems from the moment I entered the “tunnel/canal” that leads to this world, I began suffering pain. And gave my mother a lot of undue pain, tears, and stitches, too — leaving her with scars, both figuratively and physically:

For I was born a “breach” baby. That is, I came butt first, “bass-ackwards, and upside down.” One could only wonder what would come next, then, in the cards for me — what next “breach” of contract or unexpected event I would bring with me — or life had in store for me.

One didn’t have to wonder long — The cards continued to be dealt. When the midwife found I was coming breach, she worriedly and hurriedly sent for the town’s noted obstetrician, Dr. Hector Reyes Tirdada. By the time he arrived, there wasn’t a minute left to wait, for Mother had begun to fully dilate. Therefore, expediency was of the essence:

Once any part of a baby’s body has been in touch with oxygen more than twenty-five minutes, it begins to breathe. It would strangle to death if not delivered in time. Therefore, after sterilizing his hands, and though twenty-five-year-old Mother screamed — out of her mind with excruciating pain as he tore her — Dr. Reyes rapidly and urgently forced his huge expert hand up into Mother’s small birth canal. (You see, he had to quickly turn me around in her womb so he could gather me up by my feet and pull me out safely without breaking my neck.)

The miracle is he succeeded. That was a good card! He didn’t have to pull me apart to get me out — which actually sometimes happens in such “breach” home deliveries. But Mother didn’t fare so well. I’m not sure you want me to go into the details, so I won’t. Other than to tell you that she was in bed with phlebitis/”milk leg” for the next six months, due to complications from this birth.

Needless to say, breach births create a very painful and dangerous delivery — especially for the mother! But to add to our pain, the doctor was holding me upside down by the feet, slapping my tiny bare bottom, and crying loudly, in his accented English, “Breathe!! Breathe!!!”

Having just been pulled through a too-tight tunnel into a world of hell, I didn’t want to breathe. But it wasn’t just that trauma. The minute it was announced I was a girl, suddenly I heard a boomeranging, ill-tempered male voice taking the Lord’s name in vain as he vehemently cursed, “ God dammit!! Another girl!!  Breathe!! Dammit, breathe!!”  

NOTE: See my Blog and poem posted October 2016, “I Entered the World Foot First,” for more of the details concerning this part of my story. But for my present purposes, the above paragraph stands as my first example of how Mormon fundamentalist fanatics often preach one thing while doing another.

For example, they claim to totally want and value all the many babies they have, —“all those little spirit children up in heaven just waiting to come to good Mormon fundamentalist homes.” That is their ideal — their ideology. But in reality, they aren’t as righteous and forthright as they let on they are — or convince themselves they are.

Add to this that from the day I was born, I never was a favorite in my father’s eyes, and it wasn’t just because I was not a boy: I was literally and vociferously “cursed,” you might say, right from the start! (I’ve always kind of thought so … or wondered … sometimes. But all my cards haven’t been bad, by any means. So that leaves me to wonder some more. Hmmmmm!

You shall hear what I mean, in my upcoming blogs, when I tell some of my earliest memories of being raised a “Saint” — just more contradictions and ironies to come, that is, wherein my seemingly pious parents said one thing while doing another. E.g., Daddy commonly used profanity; i.e., He broke the commandment that says,”Thou shalt not take the Lord, thy God’s name in vain.”

But in his/their self-righteousness, he/they did not see nor acknowledge their contradictions … nor have the integrity nor strength to even admit it to themselves, often — all the while claiming to be Saints when they were really just humans. 

The hypocrisy was palpable! And their shadow-self hidden even from themselves. They were taught that they were God’s chosen people; therefore, were better than others — especially if they lived God’s highest laws: Plural marriage and not practicing birth control. They were going to “the highest degree of glory” for sure then!

Mormons believe Heaven consists of three degrees of glory, and each of these is broken down into three more degrees of glory — the highest degree being called the “Celestial Kingdom.” The middle degree is called the “Terrestrial Kingdom,” and Hell is called the “Telestial Kingdom.”

I was taught we Mormon fundamentalists were fore-ordained to return to heaven — that only all those people “out in the wicked world” — those who didn’t convert to Mormon fundamentalism and live God’s highest laws — would be excluded from heaven … due to their wickedness.

It was a double bind because at the same time my parents and our leaders taught this, I, for one, was constantly excoriated to the point I felt I was born to go to hell. Such inconsistencies in the belief system’s practices versus their teachings were and are problematic in themselves.

My parents and other Mormon fundamentalists were unable to understand or accept their shadow side. They have no idea they even had a shadow side. Such a concept certainly didn’t fit the beliefs handed down to them by their prophets. So they tried to hide their downsides, slip-ups, and sins. They were ashamed and afraid of their “shadow“/ their dark side.” But did bad things anyway … and covered them up by projecting their faults onto others, while pretending to be perfect themselves; i.e., Saints.

They fooled most people. But hindsight shows me the people who pretended to be most righteous were actually living the most sinful secret lives — all the more sinful because they pretended to be perfect saints living the Gospel.

Heavy religious social pressures within a sect, as they demand perfection of their conscientious members, may elicit this two-facedness — for the members’ survival, if nothing else.

But social misfits and imposters also use this guise of perfection within a  group to get away with things like rape, pedophilia, and you name it. You shall hear what I mean as my story unfolds in future blogs.

* To be Continued in “My Memoir Backstory” blogs. 

PS: It has come to my attention that some people think they can only get to my website through one of my social media sites such as Facebook. So let me give you my URL. That way you may access my Website directly: https://StephanySpencer.com — Stephany with a “y.”

If you click on my “Follow” button and leave me your e-mail address, each time a new blog is posted, you will get an e-mail alerting you. My cell phone number, in case you would like to call me, is 818-624-8522.

I would love feedback from my readers. Your comments, “Like’s,” etc., help guide and motivate what I, a writer, will write next. I would really appreciate it, also, if you would let me know, through comments or calls, if you find any spelling or grammatical errors, or ANY other errors in my writing. 

I have nobody editing nor are critiquing what I write before I post it. So your feedback is important. Thank you in advance for the time you take to let me know these vital things. And know you are much appreciated.

Now, till next time, thank you for visiting my website — And for reading especially my blogs that tell you what my memoir’s intentions are. And thank you for just being you.

Cheers,
Stephany Spencer/AKA: Beulah Spencer Tucker de LeBaron