MY MEMOIR 
Esther LeBaron-McDonald-Spencer,
Me and More Perils of Polygamy
Part 19-C 

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Nearly all men can stand adversity,
But if you want to test a man’s character,
Give him power. 
Abraham Lincoln

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MY MEMOIR 
Esther LeBaron-McDonald-Spencer 
 Me and More Perils of Polygamy
Part 19-C

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COUSIN HOMER’S KISS

In Cousin Homer’s kiss
There’d be no connubial bliss.
Though my first kiss and date,
It was barely a kiss and hardly a date.
But”Profit”of Evil Ervil
Prophesied he was to be my mate.

Yet however Cousin Homer kissed me,
I’d ‘ave missed marital bliss believe me,
‘Cause in Er-VILE’s wheelings ‘n’ dealings,
Were lacking my amorous feelings
For this pockmarked Mormon Mister.
For all I cared, he could leave me
And marry my sister!

My love-sick stomach was reeling –
When it came to a conjugal sealing,
I longed to be kissing Bill Tucker,
Not this pock-marred 
Scarred-faced fucker.

Talk about an upcoming frigid Miss
In a marriage missing marital bliss
Stuck with a husband she couldn’t kiss
‘Cause her wedlock lacked love and luster,
Thanks to her finagling Uncle Ervil,
The fuckin’ fuck-Buster!

But scheming Er-Vile LeBaron,
Head of Colonia LeBaron,
Further forwarded his meddlin,’
While my present and future peddlin,’
By calling my parents to a meetin,’
So I could slip out for a greetin’
With my arranged-polygamist spouse
 While my parents weren’t about the house
To smell the hidden louse trap
Set behind their trustful back
To make their kid cohabit
With her cousin Homer Babbitt.

“Uncle EVIL’s“ corrupt setup – 
Our clandestine malevolent meetup
To cement my secret prenup
To homely Homer Babbitt 
Sittin’ in his Black Cadillac –
Was set behind a cacti outback,
Us blushing to beat the band
As Homely shyly took my hand
To pledge me in Plyg marriage
To push his baby carriage.

‘Twas my first time out with a guy.
On top of that I had to lie 
While making our prenuptial vows
 ‘Cause Homer couldn’t my love arouse.

With flushing countenance
‘Neath moonlight intense,
The whole situation making no sense,
We couldn’t hide how uncomfortable we felt
As “Bandit” Babbitt stood, then knelt.
Being alone together that night
Didn’t feel the least bit right!

Tongue-tied Homer Babbitt,
Shyness his worst habit,
Couldn’t utter a word
In this merger utterly absurd,
Where 16-year-old me
Was promised in BIGAMY –
To my ‘Merican-Mexican Cuz
Almost forty-three.

We didn’t know each other;
He felt like but a brother.
We’d never met afore,
Far less been together before
This secret sinister rendezvous
  Devil-deranged LeBaron 
Hustled us into 
To put me in Homer’s harem
In exchange for Homer’s land back then.

Before that, damn them,
I’d never heard of Cousin Babbitt–man
Till he knocked on my back door back when !

With this I’ll zip my lip
And say no more,
But promise more trivia galore
Continuing in my Memoir:
Esther LeBaron-Spencer, 
Me and More Perils of Polygamy 
Part 19-D

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